Wednesday, March 30, 2005

She...

She first saw me when I was this tall lanky fellow, who was most of the times lost in his own thoughts. People considered it to be arrogance so did she.

If getting accustomed to your loneliness is what you call happiness. I was happy with my self then. I had dreams but they were too hazy. I had plans but I was too lazy.

Now she tells me that there was something special about you that compelled me to know more about you. Slowly and steadily she penetrated my defenses. I had not given her much thought then. Nor did we meet occasionally after our first few meetings.

She was tenacious. She was genuine. She was a breathe of fresh air. Slowly I realized that I enjoyed her company more than the pretentious companionship of the others around. We had many things in common. Firstly the concept of trials and tribulations was not something that was new to us. Life had left its share of scars on our once innocent faces. May be she related to the pain that she saw deep down in the depths of my eyes. May be I saw that behind her vibrant exterior was a tough and vulnerable heart. Yeah, oxymoronic. I know. But true still.

Fortunately, she had a steady boyfriend then. That prevented the world around us to interfere in our lives and dictate the terms of our relationship. I was a good-humored loner. I hardly spoke beyond the usual pleasantries. I spoke to her. For hours. Because she listened. I told her about my dreams and then I realized that while speaking to her my otherwise nebulous dreams were taking some kind of shape. I could comprehend them. She taught me how to communicate with my dreams. She taught me to talk to them.

Before I knew I was opening up. To people. To ideas. Luckily I tasted success in the endeavours that I was passionate about. She encouraged me. She fought for me. I was getting to be a better person and then…

Then I fell in love. I fell in love with a girl. No it wasn’t her. This girl belonged to a different world. A world which I had seen and heard of, but could never relate to. She fell for my charms. People said that I got a priced catch. This girl had everything. She was intelligent, beautiful, smart, sensitive, talented and rich. I flitted around everywhere, with her in my arms. I liked to induce those jealous stares. It worked wonders for my ego.

Before I knew I was drifting away from my oxymoronic girl. I was so obsessed with the new development in my life that I was oblivious to the existence of everything around me.

But she being she, she gave me time. She did get insecure, but somehow I managed to convince her out of it. I told her probably this marks the beginning of a new phase in our relationship.

And then…

Then one day the beautiful girl got up and went back to her own world. Leaving me shaken.

I sobbed. I howled. I fought. I complained. But the girl didn’t come back.

But SHE was still there. She saw me slapping myself. She gave me her hands so that I could claw on them. She let me abuse her. She let me scream at her. She let me throw tantrums at her. But most importantly she let me be…

I was hurt. My ego was hurt. My life looked aimless. My dreams changed shapes. Shapes now, which I could no longer decipher. Probably there were no shapes at all…because there was nothing there.

One by one she helped me pick up the pieces. By then she had also broken up with her long steady boyfriend. Both of us together silently gulped on the sorrow and tried to put our lives back together.

She forced me to dream again. She cajoled me. She tricked me. And there I was…back with my dreams again. Did I mention before that I liked being in my dream world? That’s a safer place to be in. Nobody comes there to hurt you. You get to be yourself there.

But she was too harsh. She kicked me out of it. On the other hand to compensate for the agony that he gave me sometime back, God decided to make some of my dreams true. Our efforts bore fruits. We shared some moments of happiness. Life seemed to be back on track.

It’s been an eventful journey so far. I met some wonderful people on the way, some of whom are still with me.

But most of all I met her. Kalyani, without you I would still be wandering in the large corridors of loneliness that I seemed to seek solace in. Without you I wouldn’t be me.

Thanks for helping me discover myself.

6 Comments:

Blogger Akruti said...

Gulzarsaheb ki ek line yaad agayi"dil mein aise sambaalthein hain ghum,zever sambalthein ho jaise" no one can ever describe u r relationship with her,its the best and the most beautiful relationship,that of understanding,that of silence and that of emotional bond.u r blessed to have her in u r lonely world,Ya,it makes a lot of difference to have one such person in life,who is there with us in silence,who will make us move in life,and when we falter,when we twist and slip away from the path,they r just behind uas to hold us and take us back to life.let whatever maybe the situation,however difficult might be the life but they would be with us forever.AMEN to that.After a longtime i just went back into those lanes of my past memories which i hide in this practical world very efficiently.i wouldn say u wrote it amazingly,i will say u wrtoe exactly what ufelt,emotions cannot be defined but they can be felt.i felt them when i read ur post.god bless u

March 30, 2005 12:29 AM

 
Blogger Nikita said...

She listens when you need to talk,
She wipes away your tears;
She shares your worries when they come,
And helps you face your fears.

You're not alone, she says,
I'm still here,
And when your grief is easier,
She helps you learn to smile!

U are truly blessed to have a friend like her.

March 30, 2005 9:42 AM

 
Blogger Sublime Thoughts said...

Hey Neelima...I am touched by your genuine words.I guess genuine words illicit genuine emotions...I m touched by your sensitivity...when u said tht it took u back to ur memories which u had hidden..it meant a lot.Probably because even i cud relate to it...and ya a genuine thanx for those good wishes.if possible read Kambal...a poem tht i had written sometime ago...its in my blog in the Jan archive...now i dont want to say more and kill the moment...

March 30, 2005 10:21 PM

 
Blogger Sublime Thoughts said...

Nikita...Sweetie,U just summarised the whole thing for me in your beautiful words...

I am blessed to have her and I am glad to have u...

Keep Smilin..

March 30, 2005 10:42 PM

 
Blogger monk said...

Hi
GP Well what to say about the thaught it was simply suberb
Boss really touching.
I think it is always been the case or else in majority of the time when we are down it the opposite sex which comes in to helps us , now that could be anyone and form such a pure form of relationship that one can hardly believe it. These relationship further are difficult to be named and equally challenging for others to beleive it
But you are damm luck you are blessed to have an opportunity to be have such a wonderful relationship
But HATS off to Kalyani She deserves the Applause b'cause i feel we all guy r little self -centered and how hard we shout about the depth of our understanding of a WOMEN WE UNDERSTAND NOTHING
My all good wishes are there for Kalyani and the things that she potrays Keep the gooing goood u are surley going to become memorable and popular person soon
...................On the lighter note
What made you u stick so long with our good old Mok oops antiquity oooops again Blender's Pride

March 31, 2005 1:48 AM

 
Blogger Sublime Thoughts said...

Monk eh????U F%&*er... but kuch bhi bol well said...and ya i m damn lucky to have u guys too...ok...now that the senti shit is over now i can kick ur ass...kya bol raha tha?Blenders pride eh? u...###%&*^

April 04, 2005 1:56 AM

 

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